#10

so, my housemate's ex-girlfriend came to visit last night.

she was running early and my housemate was running late, so we ended up hanging out on our own for an hour and a half, watching Back to the Future and having a really intelligent conversation about product placement in Hollywood.

fast forward to now, and my housemate's current girlfriend is sitting on the couch, talking about how funny Will Ferrell is and shouting quotes at the television while watching Step Brothers.

fuck my life.

#9

editing.

for some writers, it's the bane of their existence. they dream up plots, they create characters, they produce copy; but when it comes to proof-reading and fixing their continuity errors, they'd rather leave the general editing to somebody else.

I've never understood the logic in that, though.

call me a pedantic douche (you wouldn't be the first), but if you slave away at the keyboard and put hours and hours of effort into your writing, wouldn't you at least try to give it a once-over and make sure that it's as polished as it can possibly be?

I mean, Jesus, is it really that hard to click this button...



...and walk through a couple of pre-ordained steps?

I mean, come on. really?

anyway, as you've probably gathered from my introductory rant, I'm pretty much the self-editing writer from hell. I don't just write a sentence, I rewrite it. then I rewrite it again. and again.

why?

because I'm a perfectionist.

I know that might seem funny, since this blog is pretty much devoid of capital letters, but I'm a complete Nazi when it comes to my writing. hell, I'm the sort of person who worries about how many syllables there are in each sentence. if a big, clumsy word interrupts a paragraph's flow, it gets deleted. I even keep a thesaurus near my laptop, just in case I want to substitute a two-syllable synonym for a three-syllable word.

and you know why? because that's the type of person I am.

but in all seriousness, I don't understand how people can put stuff out in the public forum when it's riddled with spelling mistakes and continuity errors. I mean, come on. who'd want to actually put their name to that?

anyway, moving on...

I'm currently in the middle of editing Chapter One of The Middle. actually, I should correct that. I'm currently in the middle of re-writing Chapter One of The Middle.

why?

because it just wasn't very good.

I mean, there were some really nice ideas in there, and there are some even nicer ones developing in future chapters, but the whole thing just reads like the hastily-assembled side-project that it actually was.

(note: when I say 'side-project', I mean 'chucked together in two days after my originals of The Things You Fear The Most were held hostage by a faulty laptop battery')

so anyway, after realising that my previous work suffered from lack of direction and verbiage, I've decided to go back and re-write the whole thing. that means canning my previous introduction, tidying up some errant dialogue, sharpening the overall focus, and adding some depth to the all-important back story.

I've also decided to aim for a darker tone, researching the symptoms of clinical depression so I can incorporate them into the story. after all, if my main character has spent the past couple of weeks sleeping twelve hours a day, chances are he's going to be at least somewhat depressed.

it might help the story resonate with people who've shared similar experiences, as well. I'm not really in the business of changing lives, but if a reader emails me and says yes, you portrayed very realistically, then I've probably done my job as an author.

I also think it's important to get the initial 'depression scenes' right, as they need to be juxtaposed against (SPOILER ALERT) moments of happiness (*GASP* "there's moments of happiness?!?!") later in the story.

I also don't want to fall into the trap of other inexperienced authors, using 'physical injury' as a plot advice and then living happily ever after once their character has left hospital. if your major plot event doesn't have lingering repercussions, what's the point of even having it in there?

and that brings me to my final point...

I'm really interested in exploring the mental aspects of physical injury. like, really really interested. if you have a big car accident, how do you feel when you jump back behind that wheel for the first time? if you break your leg on the football field, how do you feel the first time you plant that foot and go to pass the ball?

it's said that the mental scars can remain long after the physical ones heal, so how long does the mental healing process take? what are the significant milestones along the way? what sort of person are you when you walk out the other side?

if I can touch on all of that in my story, it might just turn out alright.

anyway, just thought I'd give you all a quick update. now I'm off to do another quick read-through and continue with my rewrite.

or, should I say, rewrites.

peace.

PS: "There is no such thing as good writing, only good re-writing." – Louis D. Brandeis.

#8

so, I went clothes shopping yesterday.

I know, you were probably expecting something much more exciting after a five-week absence, but that's what I'm going to lead off with.

I went clothes shopping and bought lots of new clothes. new socks, new underpants, new t-shirts, new shorts, new business shirts, a couple of new dress shirts... oh, and a free carry bag thing for spending over $100 at one of the stores.

overall, it was a rather productive day.

yes, I just referred to clothes shopping as 'productive'.

I know I should be getting excited and talking about labels and the general wonders of clothes shopping, but as you will come to realise throughout the duration of your stay, I'm pretty much the World's Worst Gay when it comes to image and fashion.

I mean, I like to look good, and I'd like to think that I know how to dress myself, but the whole experience of clothes shopping just shits me to tears. I mean, come on, I'm not going to spend $500 on a pair of jeans just so some coke-snorting sales assistant can tell me 'oh, that look is so now'. if I wanted a vapid twenty-something girl's approval, I'd drink imported beer and remix Calvin Harris songs.

anyway, enough of that.

you've probably noticed that I'm on a bit of a writing hiatus at the moment. haven't got writer's block or anything, just needed to get away for a few days and sort out some work issues. all good now, though. having said that, I'm going to switch focus for a little while, and work on something that's a bit more upbeat. as much as I love the direction of A Shot of Clarity, the story is quite intense, and I don't want to be coming home from a stressful job and spending my free time trying to create a stressful environment for my characters.

so, I've taken the chance to read through some of my other work-in-progress stuff, and I'm going to try and get some writing done on one of my 'happier' stories. I'm currently leaning toward The Middle. I haven't actually posted the first chapter on this blog yet, but I'm crafting it as a sort-of 'family portrait', documenting a couple's divorce through the eyes of their teenage son. the story also has a coming-of-age element, as the protagonist recovers from a serious sports injury and begins to reassess his direction in life. I've also thrown a bit of a mystery sub-plot in there, but you'll have to wait to see what that's about.

anyway, I've got approximately 10,000 words already written, so I might put some serious energy into that story and see how much I can get written before Christmas. I'd promise you some posting dates, but we all know useless I am when it comes to meeting self-imposed deadlines.

just sit tight and trust that I'm working on something good!

modesty never was one of my strong points...

peace.

#7

so, I'm not dead.

I thought I should clarify that, since part two of A Shot of Clarity still hasn't managed to surface. it's not that I'm lazy or disorganised or anything... ok, so maybe I am. but still, I think it's worth mentioning that I'm currently laid up in bed with an ear infection, and that I really don't have the energy to do much of anything at the moment. even if I did have the energy to move around the house, I'd probably topple over from dodgy balance.

I should also mention that the 'Fall' (read: Autumn) TV season has started up again in the US, and I'm totally immersed in new episodes of ABC's Castle, NBC's The Office and NBC's Parenthood.

it's probably a bit cliched that a wannabe-mystery writer like myself is drawn to a show like Castle, but the show is just so amazingly well-written and well-acted that it's fast becoming my favourite show ever. did I mention the chemistry between Nathan Fillion and Stana Katic? wow. just wow. I'm as cynical as anyone about TV's use of the will-they-or-won't-they plot device (read: Ross and Rachel, Bones and Booth, Dawson and Joey), but the chemistry between Castle and Beckett is just so utterly amazing that I'm happy to be strung along every week for at least another couple of seasons.

I should also make special mention of the amazing third season finale, and the ridiculously good job that the writers have done in drawing us into the ongoing Who killed Beckett's mother? mystery. some shows do a great job of setting up the initial premise, but either drag the reveal out for wayyyyyyyyyy too long (read: How I Met Your Mother), or deliver an utterly retarded conclusion (read: Lost). in Castle's case though, the show's underpinning mystery has been handled with such a deft touch that it's almost hard to believe we've been following the story for over three seasons without a conclusion. between the expert drip-feeding of information, the complexity of the mystery's twists and the constant allusions to a bigger conspiracy, the whole thing has me literally on the edge of my seat every time I watch.

if I can reach even half of that level when I finally get around to re-posting The Things You Fear The Most, I'll be doing a damn fine job.

I should also make mention of James Spader's performance in The Office's season premiere, and how utterly amazing he is as a character actor. as a Boston Legal fan from way back, the prospect of welcoming James Spader (and his monologues) back into my TV routine is one that appeals to me on the most basic of televisual levels.


anyway, less TV, more writing. all going well, I'll hopefully get some more work done over the next 24 hours, and get part two of A Shot of Clarity out some time later this week. I've managed to work through most of the tone-related issues that I mentioned in my last blog, so it's now just a matter of turning those dot points into actual sentences and giving the whole thing a good once-over.


finally, I thought I'd include a snippet of an email that I received today, from one of the parents on my Under-14 basketball team. (did I mention that I coach junior basketball? maybe that's another blog for another time). this email was in response to an award that I gave her son at our club's annual trophy night on Friday, and on a day like today, when I'm feeling rather sick and sorry for myself, it was just the tonic I needed:

Hi Matt,

Sorry it has taken me so long to get this to you. We’ve had a very busy weekend.

...

I was secretly hoping that Harry may receive the coach’s encouragement award ... I certainly didn’t expect Harry to get anything else because of the calibre of the other players in the team.

It’s really hard to put into words just how thrilled we were that Harry received the MVP runner up award.. I don’t think you realise what something like this means to a boy like Harry. To see his reaction on stage, he didn’t stop talking on the ride home in the car and then when he got home he rang his grandparents to tell them, (something he never does) just because he was just so proud of it. It just means so much to him and to us. Thank you.

Thanks again for being their coach and for doing such a great job and for all your efforts.

I guess my couple of hours a week really does make a difference...

Peace.

#6

so, I thought it might be time for a new blog.

I'm not sure what it's going to be about yet, so just hang in there and we'll figure it out as we go.

to set the scene, I'm currently sitting on the couch in my pajamas, watching my housemate (Dan) play Gran Turismo 5 on the PS3. this would be both fast and exciting, except he's racing a Mazda 2 against a field made up of Peugeot 207s, Daihatsu Sirions and Honda Jazzes. as things stand, it's more like just above the speed limit and exciting.

another hindrance to my excitement is the fact that Gran Turismo 5 takes a million light years to load just about every screen. it's feels like 1999 and WWF SmackDown 2 all over again. at least Gran Turismo 5 doesn't have photos of Val Venis and Crash Holly as part of its interstitials, I suppose.

now Dan's undertaking a NASCAR lesson at Jeff Gordon's Driving School. without wanting to be cynical, I don't imagine that 'turn the steering wheel right' is part of its curriculum.

anyway, enough about my housemate's racing car bed fantasies.

actually, I lie, he's just started racing 1960s Volkswagen Kombi vans around the famed Top Gear test track. I feel like this is noteworthy.

anyway, since today was my rostered day off from work, I've spent a large portion of the day constructing Part Two of A Shot of Clarity. needless to say, it's been a rather slow and difficult process. hours and hours and hours of work, for only 645 words total. they're 645 good words, though. I'd just prefer that they were great words.

to turn them into 'great' words, I think I'll need to improve the overall tonal consistency. I've got one particular character who is supposed to be a bit of a disciplinarian, yet I found myself drifting into more of a 'sarcastic' territory as I continued to write the scene. this wasn't my original intention for the character, so I'll have to go back and tidy it up after I've completed the writing of this blog.

I'm also having a bit of trouble with the inner monologue for one of my characters, which is quite frustrating. without wanting to give too much away, the character is Jake's girlfriend (Sophie), and her voice is particularly important for this portion of the story. the one-dimensionality of female characters has always been a weak point in my writing, so hopefully I can work through it fairly quickly and make Part Two at least readable. then I'll get Parts Three and Four out in fairly short order and get into the really good stuff,

needless to say, Parts Five to Seven are where all the action is at.

anyway, that's all I have to say.

keep an eye out for Part Two of A Shot of Clarity, hopefully in the next 48 hours. if you don't see it by the end of the week, you can safely assume that I'm dead.

or, you know, dying.

Peace

#5 - 25th birthday edition

so, today is my 25th birthday.

today is also 'R U OK?' Day.

these two facts would be mutually exclusive, except one of my friends inboxed everyone on my Facebook account and told them to ask me 'R U OK?' instead of wishing me a happy birthday.

so now I have 95 wall posts (and counting), all asking if I'm ok.

I also had the following interaction with my mother this morning:



it was somewhat amusing.

anyway, on the writing front, I can happily say that I sat down and plotted A Shot of Clarity in its entirety last night. frame-by-frame, scene-by-scene. there'll be seven parts to the story (plus Prologue and Epilogue), and they should all be written in pretty quick order.

in terms of its marketability... I'm not sure. I have this dream of completing a longer story and seriously workshopping it within the local writing community, but I feel that the final product will be a weird, in-between length. 10-15k sorta range. too long to be a short story, not long enough to be a novella.

I'll figure it out, though.

after all, if it's really, really good, who's going to care about its length?

I feel like there's a that's what she said joke in that somewhere.

maybe another time.

Peace

#4

so, I'm expanding my horizons.

after two years of hosting my work pretty much exclusively on gayauthors.org, I've decided to start expanding my horizons and pursuing a wider, non-gay audience.

why?

because, well, my writing just isn't all that gay.

I mean, sure, I'm a gay man, and I like to explore gay themes in my stories, but I've come to realise that most of my work just isn't gay enough for the gay literature market. there's not enough lusting, not enough fashion, not enough hot, sweaty sex.

and you know what?

that's ok.

I mean, sure, it's difficult to accept that I'm just not all that popular with my target gay audience, but opening my work up to a wider audience will allow me to connect with a wider range of people, and maybe bring some joy to a section of the community that I could never have reached by sticking to the homogenous (homo-genous, geddit?) environment that is gayauthors.org.

so anyway, I've uploaded The Boy Next Door to fictionpress.com, and I'll see how it all goes.

I also cracked out the notepad at work today, and wrote three full pages of notes about the upcoming chapters of A Shot of Clarity, including dialogue from the final scene. the words were flowing really easily today, and the ideas were coming to me basically fully-formed, so hopefully that's a sign of things to come.

in terms of posting dates, I'm hoping to get Part Two out no later than the end of September. I'm fully aware that not much happened in the recently-posted Part One, so I'm going to try and get a move on and get into the really meaty part of the story.

once I've done that, hopefully the readers will start to flow.

anyway, it's 11.24pm, and Miss Universe is on the tv in the background, so I should probably call it a night.

Peace